BUSY BEE

I have been meaning to write on these pages for a few days now. Despite having about four recurring themes running through my mind, I have not just had the calm to pour out my thoughts. This is ironical of sorts. Somehow, I have engaged my free time of late with a schedule of very engaging personal tasks.


I love it when I write. When my plausible writing time is not stifled by plain fatigue but by time spent on other planned activities, my satisfaction is even. The same is true of our lives. It’s the reason why we don’t feel regret at the end of a busy day spent on doing things we have outlined to do; even if we missed out on our favourite show. That said, when say a doctor who plays in a jazz band squeezes his busy schedule to attend his band’s performance, the sense of fulfilment is unequalled.

So it is that in our busiest moments, we find the joy of life. We all love to have time to ourselves, doing our own thing or nothing in particular, a “cool-off” or a “chill-out”. When these are not consequent upon meaningful activity, they tend towards being meaningless. However in the converse, we look forward to such moments and enjoy every sip of it.

The thrill of being busy is not only in the satiety of the rest that ensues, but also in the fact that we feel maximized at those moments. Suddenly, we become more organized, activities are prioritised, time is wisely spent and the year runs very fast! We sleep tired and wake up refreshed. As long as we are not physically tired, our creative imagination is turned on. A joke is just one and no meanings are read into it. We carry ourselves with a sense of purpose and life is just meaningful.

Much as being busy infers virtue, I still dread it when a busy day looms. The good thing is that the day comes along, I get lost in its busyness until when I can sit and reflect. As I just did.

CAUGHT UP

Yesterday, as I drove home from visiting a friend I was caught up in the beauty of nature. It composed of regular things that given a company in the car, I may have chatted myself away from this acknowledgement. Not on this day though. I was alone in the car, the stereo hummed a soft beat and besieged by my circumstances of late, I was always going to be in a pensive mood.


I had just gone past a road construction delay point, over took some utility vehicles and then beyond the pattering of heavy down pour when I came on a straight road with the glow of sunset right before me. The clouds were behind me and the highway seems to lead straight to the glowing ball on the western horizon of planet earth. Some dark clouds were still positioned at the periphery of the sun but rays of light seem to pierce right through them. Those same clouds also did not stop the cast from the sun to reach the wet road in front of me as the latter reflected like a path paved in gold. I could still hear the patter of light drizzles on the lush grassland either side of the road.

The landscape stretched beyond me unto hills and valleys. I was so enthralled I wished I could break, turn off the ignition, take a walk towards one of those hills and when atop, just gaze into tranquillity under the light drizzles. As I entered into town, I lifted my eyes and it was to the rainbow. It seemed I had passed under its arch and the points where it touches the earth were visible. I wished I could position myself right in the middle of that portion of land!

My thought have reeled over the sight and I have re-lived the feeling again. There is inspiration around us if only our minds are calm. Beyond the cloud of doubt and difficulties is the clarity and hope of light. These aside, the earth is beautiful and nature is a miracle. I was caught up in it.

HOW TIME FLIES

Indeed, how time flies. People dream of magical moments, look forward to an event or prepare for an experience; the time comes and no matter whether enticing or troubling, it rolls by eventually. My thoughts drifted along these themes when a few days ago, I had to say byes to a team of colleagues with whom I had spent some eventful weeks of specialized training. Coincidentally, it was also the beginning of December and suddenly the year’s end was in view.


Those two weeks were more than just “doping” people for surgery. In fact it was an engaging twist of meeting people, learning tricks on the job, listening to the varied scientific opinions of others and of course being confronted with attitude (plenty of it). So without much deliberateness, we had gotten quite used to interacting with one another until suddenly it was time to split. Unfortunately, with separation comes the knowing that one may never be in the company of those folks one was dispersing from. Emotions are thence let loose.

A few days before those hugs and the promise to call, I was already looking forward to leaving. Suddenly it felt like I had missed my space, my routines and even my bed - the same stuff that I was happy to get away from only just a couple of weeks before. The lyrics of a certain song about not chasing waterfalls but to stick with the rivers and the lakes one is used to readily come to mind. For as much as one should not be afraid to step out of one’s comfort zone, many a time the adventure anticipated in the unknown may indeed be less juicy than our present experiences.

Taking responsibility for one’s actions also infers making the most of the outcome of those actions. And as I reflect on the year’s end, I am bemused by how much the pieces have combined to make my life’s experience in 2011. In the course of living, one can never be conscientious enough in knowing how time flies.

AND I SNAPPED

A few days ago, I snapped. My reason for snapping was that some one was snapping at me. When people use position and privilege to spite others, no matter how subtle, repulse is expressed. Unfortunately, I was on the receiving end on the day and I had to voice my frustration. As much as I now agree that my timing was inappropriate, sometimes the end simply justifies the means!


Everyone has a value. Everyone should all be treated with at least, a basic dignity. Respect does not have to be earned; it is the reserve of all until perhaps proven otherwise. I had probably forgotten my resolve on matters of respect from others until I was jolted by this incidence. The diversity of human behaviour has a way of waking us up from the slumber of our perceived emotional stability. By this, I mean as much as I value the opinion people have of me; I have also been able to balance it with ignoring the opinion which bends towards humiliation.

I am wandering at the moment which other aspect of my “cool” will be ruffled next. One’s life can never be rehearsed but public demeanour is almost proportional to maturity. The practise of those relaxation exercises in anger management makes sense but one may end up violating oneself. One’s original self is irreplaceable. In the end, one should just be oneself and I was just being myself when I snapped at being humiliated by a colleague on the day of reference.

NO BYES, STEVE JOBS!

T he world woke up this morning to the sad news of Steve Jobs death. His battle with cancer had reached a tragic end. Perhaps the shock of his passing was tapered because she knew that he had been plagued by a condition with an almost inevitable outcome. All the same, it was greeted with profound grief.

I once had a conversation with a friend over a Time magazine article on Steve Jobs. It was in 1998. My friend was of the opinion that Steve Jobs was the most ingenious person in the techno-world. I was routing for Bill Gates then. My standpoint was that Microsoft made computing universal and demystified. Through the portal of user-friendly software, Team Bill Gates marketed the binary box to the point that computers indeed became personal. For me then, the tease of computing innovations, which seem like the domain of Team Steve Jobs at the time, was always going to go wild and appealing as the days go.

Since then, the world has been awed over and again as Apple churned out one product after another. What has struck me in all these is the standard of each of these technological innovations. The bar is always so high with Apple’s products that they are the yardstick in the evaluation of similar products. Here in is Steve Jobs’ impact in the world: each of his products becomes a trend by which every other is measured. I dare say that years after his death, his works will live on.

Death is always greeted with grief but in between the sniffs for Steve Jobs, is an adoration of his achievement. The world is a better place because of you, Steve Jobs. No byes.

THE CHALK BOARD

A little while ago, a joke that I had shared with my students flickered through my mind. Yes, my students! As tradition would have it; my work place has recently been flooded by students on clinical attachment. I have become a tutor hence. I find the picture of young eager minds, dressed in white overalls hoarding behind me at work very funny itself. Perhaps this reality check has finally woken up that the naivety if my undergraduate days are past.


I have always been inclined to carrying people along while on the job but teaching students is a new ball game. As a medical intern, most of my rotations were through non-students units and I enjoyed it because work was straight to the point. I have no qualms with students though. I am one. In fact, I have found this whole new experience fascinating enough that my imaginations have run wide.

Also, I have found myself taking the pain of carrying out every detailed step in the execution of my duties – my students are watching, asking questions and learning. The approach to tutelage of certain teachers I admired back then have been brought to the fore; even leading me to assert my position on popular schisms. We are truly a creation of all the people we have interacted with in life. And with out a pre-contemplation, I seem a natural in a career on the chalk board!

In the midst of all these, I have reflected on the tons of information that I was fed with as a student but which has no practical bearing in the world I now live in. It may be argued that all that load of needless stuff contributes to one’s knowledge base, after all how would I have been able to relate with the fact that Bennie Mac died of sarcoidosis or that Venus Williams suffers from Sjogren’s syndrome. Most of what daily living is of little significance in life anyways. A teacher should guide his student to filter what is relevant from everything else.

If I eventually pick up a chalk, I know I would teach broad but stay focused; say the obvious but stimulate the unfamiliar; carry myself in a disengaged manner but be very involved. Humour is always a good teacher; I would also be serious but funny. To every new set of students I would always say my favourite quotable as an intern “whatever one does not know, one can always learn; whatever one learns is one’s”.

MUSES

As this blog is about my thoughts, concrete and fleeting, I have decided to stream some of my random thoughts from the past week. Indeed it’s been a few days of many things; a trip, missed directions, deadlines and the busyness that work can become.


It was during these past few days that I picked up one those eco-driven watches. Looking back, I just wonder if we all wore eco-friendly wrist watches; would it really bore any significance in climate change? Only recently, a few folks took a trip to the magnetic north pole by rowing, a feat unimaginable just 10 years ago because of the ice that capped the region. I do not think wrist watches are the solution to global warming. The concept of such gadgets appeals to me though but it is not very different from the appeal of my ultimate personal toy: a chopper with complete full military specs!

I also stumbled into the movie “Before Sunrise”. I have always thought it as one of my all time top ten, although, often my memory is always short of remembering it whenever I am required to mention a favourite movie. Before I am taken as someone with an obsession for lists, one is just obligated to have pass words for the many online transactions, e-journals, club memberships, etc. Often password security includes such things as colour of first car, favourite movie and the like. Thanks to these securities, I have been held back from joining a possibly anonymous group of people who can not match certain log-ins with the right password (there is an organised community for every thing these days you know).

Before I stray tangentially, the movie is an average budget production with a cast of 2 major characters in a spontaneous but engaging conversation. I have always loved a good conversation – spontaneous, rich, engaging and deep. In the company of others, I am most alienated when someone is incapable of expressing him/herself. Rarely am I an impersonal friend. I love the use of words. Perhaps the latter is my own vice especially when I am in a verbose mood, but it was in my efforts to check the duration of my monologues that I have come to respect and value time; man’s most precious commodity.

My mind’s rant is the most expressed of my senses. Random as they may seem, they are a coordinated stream of what I have seen, heard and felt. But like everything else, must be contained within the space that time imposes. As it turned out, the past few days have been crowned by some really busy and bloody demands at work; a restriction of my free unedited thoughts, a containment of time. Our life is indeed tied to time.

NOT THE FRUIT

Blackberry: the phone, not the fruit.


For someone who has always prided himself as a gizmo geek, I finally own a blackberry. This is 12 years since the emergence of the first monochromic blackberry. Much to my shame?

Well, my earliest impression on the smart phone was that it was basically the gizmo of those people who on the go need to keep tabs with the server of workplace correspondence. Also, I have always been repelled by the sheer size of the older models (I dislike the bulk in my pocket!) and I have never really been a fan of a push-mail kind of life. It just seems to interrupt me. Agreed that certain messages require urgent response, but the circumstances of my life rarely demand the prompting of a mail. I just prefer to check things out myself. The deliberateness of that kind of pull-mail lifestyle makes me feel in control of my world. Who needs the feeling of loosing grips with life in this fast pace age of ours?

It has turned out that these days everyone needs information and even social interaction on the go. Also, all smart phones have push mail functions and the need for touch/multi-media screens make them bulky- though not necessarily heavy. So when I got word that a wrong deduction from my last year’s salary would be paid back in July, I opt to get one of those recent blackberry models and a tab. As I am also in the habit of indulging - well, rewarding myself periodically, my choices were justified. A birthday present would be in order too.

A few days ago, I finally took delivery of a BB device and I am probably the last person to own one. In retrospect, I wonder why it took so long for me to join the throng of young people whose use of the hand-held device has no input from a business mail server. Perhaps, the fact that every other person owned a BB was also a deterrent. Sometimes, one just wants to keep a unique identity from what is common place. In the end, one has got to do what one has got to do irrespective of position on the queue. From this hind stand of mine, the title of this post might as well be: “First from behind”!

BITS AND PIECES

My new found appetite for grilled mutton ribs has finally led me into writing something that is beyond meat and drink. Yes, it was after getting back to my car from one of those take-away orders that a child walked up towards my window. Dressed in oversized raiment and looking untidy, I waved him off and made to leave. Before I sped away, I took another look at his direction and just then saw him opening the thrash can in the car park. At that point my heart sank and I called him over and handed him something more than he’d asked for.

These days, it has become common place that all celebs run or are at least involved in a non-profit organisation. It is almost as if every one of them wants the world to know they are given back to the society. The list of such activities ranges from driving eco-friendly cars, fund raising for relief projects to the adoption of babies from third world countries. While all these are laudable in themselves, they all become ridiculous when one considers that it’s just a minimal percentage of the benefactor’s wealth that is thrown into these endeavours. The popularity of these activities bears little correlation with the true impact. I once saw a news clip in which the van of one of those donor groups in a war zone was moving at considerable speed and biscuits were being thrown out a chasing crowd!

Our world is plagued by hunger, disease, armed conflicts and disasters- both natural and man-caused. Our specie also lives in a societal set up in which social and economic classes exist; the have and the have-not, the able-bodied and the sick, etc. The privilege of possessions and high positions ought to stimulate an overflow to those on the other end of the spectrum. Political semantics to consider certain words like “handicap” discriminatory is denying the obvious. Human needs should be called what they are without a subjective feeling of being looked down upon. Ok, may be people should be made to believe that an individual’s right to be treated with dignity is as basic as the right to free speech; irrespective of one’s bank statements or the neighbourhood of one’s abode.

My disposition has always been to consider the glass half-full rather than half-empty but has the third world become the dumping ground of half-hearted sympathies? Never mind that some of these donors still imagine that Africa is a single country where most people are living on trees! Having a desire to offer a helping hand is just a starting point. The actions generated from that desire should seek true effect. Else, these isolated drops will never fill the ocean of human needs. To quote my elementary school teacher, anything worth doing is worth doing well.

LOST WORLDS

On a recent conversation with the one person who inspired in me the crave for writing; I was rather bemused at the void on her pages. Simply, she does not write any more. In a generation that is inundated with neology, her scribbles have lost the articulation of the post modern era. Also, being some one whose literary worth I respect, I find this revelation sad; a sad loss of sorts. My chit chat also revealed that she was unaware of the impressions her compositions had on me.


Indeed, walls have ears and there is an eye watching us every time. What people do with what they learn from others is entirely up to them but if only we know what impact we have on others, our lives would be more carefully expressed. Ok, this may infer that we loose some spontaneity but we would dot some of those the “I”s and cross the “T”s we so often take for granted. Some one has said that the things we do in unguided moments are the reflection of who we truly are. We really don’t look like what we saw of ourselves on the mirror because when we are in the front of a mirror we ever so often contort our looks and smiles to match what we would prefer to look like.

Back to the conversation with my sister, she is just busy with life has it is now but hopes that someday, she will pick up her pen from where it has been laid inactive. Isn’t this so true about all of us young people? We build up dreams and express much potential while growing up but then as the realities of life confront us; we take life as it comes as long as it represents positivity and progress. Much I wanted to write; it was not until I had attained some job stability and my life on a predictable track that I set up an organised forum to express my thoughts.

Sometimes, I wonder at what point we let the available become the preferable. The world systems tell us there are options for everything and a “Plan B” infers that we are thoroughly bred. As if to say success is never guaranteed and alternatives always come handy. Is there really an alternative to our lives? Is the achievement of our dreams of more value than the joy of what we have done with life’s opportunities? Is potential unidirectional? The questions are unending. In the pursuit of life, meaning or relevance; we should enjoy all the pursuit entails and make sure we find joy in all our endeavours. The Holy Scripture says “blessed is the man who does not condemn himself in what he allows”. This will mean living with peace within oneself; a manner that we can all live by.

A THIN LINE

Virtue and vice are more or less antonyms when it comes to the overall conduct of a person. This will mean opposite attributes or at the least the distant ends of a continuum. In reality however, there can be just a thin line between virtue and vice. So to speak, a virtue can suddenly become viewed as if it were a vice.


For example, I have always intuitively leaned towards peace-making when there is a squabble in my environs. These days I find that my instincts to being the “middle man” has been un-preferred by folks. Not that they do not see the good gesture but they would rather have it otherwise. In a world of egos and pride, I have come to expect this as a probable outcome when my good virtues are let loose.

Whether virtue is heeded or not should not deter its expression. This in itself is what makes it a virtue. Whether people applaud it or not, the world needs it. If there was any thin line over which virtue becomes a vice, it is a reflection of people’s perception, individualized and a mere impulse to prove a point. Who does not want to have the last laugh after all?

Life is deeper than this though. If one is to react to every assault, the responsibility of our lives will be others’ reserve. No loss is greater than the loss of one self, at the expense of getting even none the less. That thin line, if it does exist must be ignored if one is to be true to one’s real self; a self that transmits inherent value i.e. virtue.

ALL IN A DAY'S WORK: when the job causes distress

Once again, I take an exception to the rule - I am writing about something related to work. After all, most of our lives revolve around work and the bulk of what is left spent on sleep. So when at the end of today’s events, a friend said to debrief myself and then get some sleep, I decided to stray from the origins of this blog: my non-doctor self.


Today is Thursday but I could practically say it’s been a very busy and tiring week. It does not feel any worse when certain work place events add to the physical strain. This, especially like when irreversible consequence such as death is a part of the plot. Death that is no one’s fault but that involves a forensic trail with an uncertain but almost little threshold to find someone on whose laps the final blame is thrust unto. I am not responsible for any thing that resulted in the dire outcome of the day but I was active within the circles in which they happened and it’s just very distressing.

So at the end of the work-day, I find myself ebbing towards being garrulous in the company of friends and taking off the lid on impulsive buying. I also stopped over at the video club to pick something that could distract me as well concentrate my thought. It turns out that a comedy can make us as pensive as the odes from a classic.

I have now just finished watching Morning Glory and the plot has indeed provoked my view. The extremes of work-based behaviour between Becky (Rachel McAdams) and Mike (Harrison Ford) can be the two sides of the same coin. While one could be spontaneous and “jerky” about the job, one should also be a bit held back and aloof. OK, may be not to wear that snarl and go about grouchy at work as Mike did, but sometimes in that alone cum eccentric position, inspirational thoughts can be very deep! Becky sums it up when she finally sees it up to the neck and screams “I am tired of feeling guilty about my work”. What a truth.

We should enjoy our jobs and when circumstances speak in the contrary remember tomorrow is another day. We will have to leave today’s night behind and give life another shot at the break of a new day.

BIG BROTHER IS WATCHING

Big brother is watching. But guess what? He is not the only one watching.


The media world is currently rift with news about the untoward methods employed by the now defunct News of the World. As much as Murdoch’s actions are considered astute in a business sense, I feel they were almost unnecessary. The exception to my assertion will perhaps be the moral issue of infringing on other people’s privacy.

My drift is that who takes News of the World seriously in the first place? The stories it ran especially in our generation have always been aimed at an audience obsessed with all that is not necessarily true or out rightly spurious. This said, I really wish I can get a copy of the ‘closing edition” of the paper as part of my growing magazine collection.

Sometimes, we have to confront that which is baseless and incorrect in our world. I decided to write this post when earlier this week I stumbled into an e-copy of a letter of mine written in 2008 to correct a columnist who had gone out of line on the Nigerian Guardian. As if all the newspapers’ readers were waiting for the letter to the published, my article triggered a cascade of responses that ran for a couple of months in the newspaper.

People know what has substance from what constitutes junk. The fact that nothing is said in response to junk media is partly an attempt not to dignify what is “low beef”. I am still of the opinion that the shutting down of News of the World is just a business decision. People always knew they were dubious in information gathering and its news was at the least, exaggerated. Silence does not always infer ignorance.

TIME OUT

What do you do when there is much to do? The obvious is to roll up your sleeves and start doing something. Today is one such day and I know if I get on with the things I have got lined up for the weekend, I would be ahead of some nagging study and personal deadlines. Instead, I have found myself just leaning towards everything self-indulging.

Just as life can really take a drift towards what was never planned for, so can one’s day go. Throughout this week, my work routines have been much interrupted by circumstances which despite being within the frame of my job description require urgent attendance at the expense of everything else. So on this “free” weekend, I have found myself both exhausted and intuitively uninterested in what I had lined up for now.

In a world that is full of physically exhaustive routines, requiring mental alertness round the clock and in which two overtime time duties spanning 48 hours were done in a week, I have found myself thinking I could once again shrug off all of it and get on with my own stuff. Added to these is the psychological impact of all the life and death issues that I found myself sorting out this week. I guess the answer is a two-letter word: NO!

To give an answer to my opening question, I would say it does every one good to take a moment off pressing deadlines, catch some variety and then get down to what is at hand. I am not an avid supporter of the concept of time-outs in sports. It breaks the flow and then we spend a longer time watching the game. However, I think I need to be reminded time and again that when the heat is on, a time-out could also be a part of the game of life.

GLOBAL FILTER
I watched a little while ago as the flag of the world's newest country, South Sudan was hoisted for the first time. I am reminded that justice is always greeted with cheers. And seeing all those hypocritical personalities at the event, I dear add that when justice becomes undeniable, it has many friends and relatives.

"SHE DIS’ED ME!"

I was at a workshop where the facilitator asked what the meaning of “dis’ed” is. I looked around and saw faces that described how unfairly treated the elderly feels in the neology world of generation X. I was probably the youngest in the audience and had the honour of defining the word whose origin is traced to American prisoners (when asked why they committed a crime, they often said it due to the feeling of being disrespected or more colloquially “I felt dis’ed”).


The comfort of our lives has a bearing with our anxiety level. Our feelings of anxiety or otherwise is depended on respect; respect for self, respect for others and feeling that we are respected. Imagine how you would feel being asked to give a speech in a meeting with five other colleagues. The level of anxiety and its attendant stress is changed if you are then told in the middle of the speech that there is a camera in the room and the speech is being transmitted on live TV. In the end our actions can be greatly influenced by what we think is the opinion of others.

However, should our lives be dictated by the design of our jeans, the model of our car, the level/development of the community we live in? That sort of comparative living is at the root of the rat race. Some one has said that even if one wins a rat race, one is still a rat! Harsh but true. What is also true is that the majority of people are not watching what we do with our lives. Hence the subjective feeling of being disrespected is an exaggeration.

Respect in this piece extends to self-worth, the value we exact and the response we provoke. Respect for self and respect for others are personally generated. Hence we must carry ourselves with and treat others with respect. When it comes to feeling of being respected by others, we ought to be comfortable with ourselves irrespective of the position we occupy in the scale of a competitive society. There in is our true value.

CHILDHOOD BLUES

As a teen, I read a number of those motivational/self-help books. They made a lot of imprints on my young mind as I strove to discover myself and find my own peace. The impressions included among other things the value of seeing the glass half full, making the most of those time wasters that we don’t have control over and “seeing romance in common place”. The latter informed my love for nature and small little things. Instead of drinking my glass of water, I could be drawn to the impeccable curvature of the glass rim; the purity of water itself or my thought could be projected to the glitter of splashing water, the wave front rippling from a pebble dropped into water, the pattering sound of rainfall on lush vegetation. It made life both beautiful and deep.


Recently, I saw a little boy playing by the trough of a fountain. He appeared so absorbed, muttering to himself and making gestures as if he was following the movement of something in the water. I came closer and asked if there was a fish in the pool of water. As I chatted with the boy, my childhood practically rolled out before me. I am tempted to relive the years of my innocence!

As a child, I loved the sight of fish in water; the sight of swallows or wild pigeons making their nests and of course, the twinkle of Christmas lights. This was before my admiration for other school pupils who wore glasses (I thought they were very brilliant); eagerness at seeing the medal award ceremony in a major sport event; my grip for all fine arts and encyclopaedias or handling a burette. I remember the dimensions of my thoughts as I looked again and again at the pages of my first book of world atlas. As the male hormone was let down, there came an “unfounded” rebellious character especially in church settings. My followership of football replaced wrestling as well. The rebelliousness was unfounded because it was just a protest against being stereotyped as a good boy. My inner self always felt betrayed by my rebellious outbursts. Almost sadly, I am still very agreeable to authority.

The above is by no means an exhaustive list of my childhood. I grew up into the sort of fellow who still has a penchant for all that is mentally stimulating, including all the gizmo of this techno-age. We are truly older versions of childhood

I HAD A DREAM

The other day, I had a mid night dream, woke up and thought its theme would make a good blog post. I slept back afterwards. By the time I would wake up in the morning, I could only remember I had an interesting dream but completely forgot the content. That’s me.


I am told that some people have the gift to have dreams with real life significance; like if they dreamt someone died, something sinister will occur to the object of their dreams in the least. I find this very out of my reach. At times like this, I really wish my father also bought me a biblical coat of many colours; that I do not only identify the sun in my dream to be my “old man”, folks would really come around I would tell them that the dream they had last night infers they will be re-instated in yesterday’s glory. On the other hand, I will also be a breaker of bad news.

Certainly, being the bearer of bad news would be very disheartening and I am glad I have been saved from the anxiety of knowing some thing untoward is going to happen. I dream almost every night, but it is mostly free-style with practically no relevance in reality. One moment, I am admiring a guard of honour, the next I am whistling the tune of a song that I know nothing of. Sometimes, the theme of my dreams are at par with circumstances from the consciousness overwhelming my momentous thoughts, other time times they are just way out of sync with everything I am about. However, they are still always short, trivial, vain, shallow, un-real and sometimes out rightly ridiculous. This is both intriguing and fascinating to me.

It seems to me that this is another way in which life is funny. Most days, I go to bed tired. When I am not fatigued, I keep wake into a late night. I am told I am a “shallow sleeper” (wherever that came from?). I could answer a phone call, switch off the bedside CD player, acknowledge someone‘s presence in the room during my sleep and still wake up by morning feeling very well rested. My dreams float in and out of these activities so that by sunrise, I simple wake up knowing I had a few dreams the previous night that I can barely relate with. I feel teased at the thought of this. The title of this post may as well be “the pranks from my sleep”. It’s my lot, I guess.

TALKING TO MYSELF 2

I have not written in less than a month and it feels like alot more than that. The demands of life have taken it fair share of my time and thoughts, so much that I have kept up with only the basic and essential.


Our time is linked with our thoughts . The flip side of the foregoing is also true. So when one’s time is assaulted by what consists of living, thoughts are unsettled. While one could express the thoughts in the flurry of momemtous thinking, writing under calm can be very entralling. I have found myself not only longing for these thrilling moments but also wishing to have them very often. Wishing thinking!

I have written before of seeing dreams come true, for me and those around me; dreams that were born out of wishes. Yes, wishes that were well guided and drawn from a depth towards a meaningful life. Wishes are an expression of potential, that more than is currently on display.

Our potential is not only what we can become but who we trully are.

A JOLLY WANNABE SPECIE

I have blogged previously on the knack our specie has for celebration. Yesterday’s event reminded me even more. What more can I say than to wish the Duke and Duchess of Cambridge a happy married life? Like a fairy tale, may they live happily together after all the pageantry and royalty of their nuptials. They have done well in reminding us of the institution of marriage and what it stands for.


Much of the talk in the circle I found myself yesterday was on the persons of the bride and the groom: William’s unspoken carriage that translates into the fact he understands the gravity of his overall responsibility; Kate’s display as an individual at peace with herself. We are reminded to know who we really are, to appreciate our opportunities and extol the sense of responsibility that come with them, to enjoy being ourselves and to lead our lives. These virtues, almost infectious, are readily identifiable by others and go a long way in the manner we are responded to.

Back to the drift of mankind towards the giggly, what happened to all the British apathy to royalty after Princess Diana’s death? Yesterday, I saw a people known for public self control let loose in an unprecedented manner. May be it’s that thing in us wanting to identify with something good and jolly. As far as I was, on April 29, 2011, I surely ‘pitched my tent’ with the popular and cheerful.

A YEAR, AMBITIONS AND LIFE AS USUAL

It has been a year to the day since I relocated and essentially changed my employer. I am at home at the end a tiring day and I reflectively look at my life in the last year. I think I settled to my new environment and work place pretty fast. This was with a sense of more definiteness in my actions than I have ever really had. Life was a new challenge for me then, but I was older and more wisely poised.


Most of the big decisions in the last year have been much schemed from the past. It was as if I was acting out my own script really. Very little has stunned me and my over all outlook has a bit of recluse now. So everyone who considers my demeanor distant lately must now also know that it’s not borne out of hard feelings. And I am certainly not in the middle having that crisis!

As I look at the world today, I see competition, more competition among my peers and a chase for even greater vanity. People seem to be in a hurry to a destination just to be able to hold up their pride of accomplishment. These aside, I have also seen dreams come true and observed my internal alarms reset towards the path to a new equilibrium.

Life is a continuous after all. That fellow was right when he said human wants are insatiable. Someone has also said life is not contained in accomplishments but in the ideas and ideals we live by. How true.

"IT’S HAND WASHING WEEK"

I was almost amused when folks from the department of health came around to my work place earlier this week. They sure left a mark by the time they left: every available space was riddled with posters that read “it’s hand washing week”, “have you washed your hand today?” and specifically over every hand washing basin was stuck a sticker with two hands ; as if we did not know the wash hand basin was meant for hand washing!


My amusement came into play when I imagined how differently I might have interpreted a hand-washing week if I had no knowledge of infection control in the workplace. For one, it will mean “ceremonial hand washing”, that obsessive compulsive disorder in which an individual persistently forgets he has washed his hands and keeps going back to the wash hand basin would be considered abiding by the rules!

What is it about our species that makes us want to celebrate? And it does not matter whether it’s the odd or just plain semantics. April 1st is called fool’s day and we all just enjoy being told about a good joke pulled on someone that day of the month. However, do adults have to be reminded again that they should wash their hands after and in fact before any activity of significance? My take leans towards what is effective. Stickers reminding me to wash my hands are funny. May be it’s about adding fun to common sense. If the fun does not undermine the seriousness of the subject matter, then we may conjure a smile while we wash our hands.

TGIF

Thank God it’s Friday! I wonder who “invented” the phrase but it must have been construed from feelings similar to mine today. Or better still, the direction on how I like my Fridays when I am neither working on the day nor any other day of the weekend.


Today is one of such days. A pair of jeans was an appropriate part of what I wore to work. For unknown but well- appreciated reasons, the work place had one of the quieter days. As I gnawed on the home-made pop-corn this evening, the enthusiasm of the day even led me into divulging an intended surprise to my significant other: I had just found and saved on the navigator a nearby resort with spa services and I intend for us to make the trip (on a Friday) soon.

It turns out there is no rigorous demand on me for this particular weekend. Just yesterday, my (masters) research tutor finally gave me thumbs-up on the effort on my project (one with an interpretive-hermeneutic study design involving framework analysis!). So I am spending the weekend on whatever comes to my mind; including a little slumber. I think it is this emancipation- mental or any other wise (constituting routine) that makes a Friday feel good. I like Fridays like these. Self indulgence is an essential part of healthy human behaviour and we can all do with the un-winding that sometimes come along with it. Already tonight, I have had a good laugh watching some comedies and when I am done with this post, I would be capping it with some more mentally-teasing political drama. There is still Saturday and Sunday to come! TGIF

ALLY MCBEAL

As I strolled by the shops today, I went into the Movie/Musical store and got myself the first season of Ally McBeal. Yes that hilarious, yet sensible TV series I watched those years ago. I am surprised at myself because everything was against my buying the DVD collection. One, it was more expensive than most DVD series on the shelf and I had just pulled a new zipper on my spending. Also, no thanks to studying, my TV time has been markedly cut down lately.


The week has been a tedious one. I wanted to reach out to the past and at the same time indulge myself. You know that feeling when you just want to indulge yourself. Yes, indulge in some thing fascinating but calm. The past can be quite an inspiration. It reminds us of how far we have come, how the daunting challenges of its moments have become history.

Back to Ally McBeal, I guess I also wanted to see the world through her eyes today. That twisted, harassed-by-the-world-but-grim character really reminds us to be true to ourselves; that we should take life easy; that life goes on. Indeed.

THE TEMPTATION

Often and again, one is confronted with people and circumstances that affect behaviour and over all response. It is like this, a simple act of kindness is abused by the recipient to the point that one refuses to be kind.


Our world is diverse and as we grow into adulthood, we are faced with a variety of human behaviour. Without knowing it, one’s childhood innocence is lost. Lessons on human improprieties are often learnt first hand and hence in unpleasant ways. One is then tempted to shut the door of compassion and live to make oneself happy.

Should one hold back alms because the recipient is a “junkie” or refuse a hitch-hiker because the latter may be a serial killer? Another spectrum of this discourse is borne from the unspoken expectation that every act of human kindness should be reciprocated when the circumstances are reversed. Supposing the recipient does not feel obliged at the moment but comes for another favour thereafter?

It’s what I call the temptation not to be one self. Should we become indifferent to people in apparent need because of previous experiences, should the recipient of our goodwill be affected by their ability to pay back, don’t we lose the moral high ground when it is in fact within our power to give such a helping hand, are our actions not merely reactions to others’, are we really our virgin self when our lives is determined by others?

TALKING TO MYSELF

I like the wittiness of the human mind; man’s ability to conjure the politics and dynamics of life. The resourcefulness and positivity that is yielded from the variability of its use gives me a utopia. This is because there is always something better in life.  For me, hard work and pleasure are not opposite sides of the same coin, rather one hand washing another. I believe in diligence but I let myself enjoy the hunt before the kill. Hence I attracted to everything freestyle: dancing, dressing...and obviously, writing.

I am also a staunch believer in the fact that life is so much what you make of it. I believe there is a greater force represented in God. The good desires in our hearts come from Him and when we put the resources (including our minds/intelligence) He gives to work, we are able to produce these (His) desires for us. Occasionally, there is the miraculous which He injects at His own time and setting, confirming His presence as Partner and His limitless ability in the walk of life.

(To be continued)

CRAVING FOR PAPER

Lately, I am amazed at how disorganized I have become. Unlike the last two previous years, I started this year at the workplace under a public service department where duty does not command giving any “souveniral” inducements. The public do not get those customized diaries, calendars and the like in a public care facility at the turn of the year. Hence, I started the year without a diary (from the workplace previously) in which I would normally crystallise my thoughts and map my actions.


People do different things to accentuate their priorities. For me, I either write or talk. I have done more of the latter and less of the former and their position have been poorly balanced. I learnt early that being in control of my self lies in identifying my priorities, listing their sequence and sticking to them. This said, now and again I break from agreed sequences in order to free myself from the boredom of monotony.

For whatever reason, my shopping has consistently strayed away from shops where I could get a good diary. I have written less and less lately and it has taken of the balance in my organized self.

Tonight, I crave for a diary. Much has been shared with my significant other but I need to put ink to paper, make my “visions plain on tablets” and live out my conscious life.

THE GAZE (amateur)
 

 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
Dolphins. My amateur shots last year.

STILL ON EGYPT

As I punch out this post, I am watching on TV the triumph of the people of Egypt as their siege against her own government bore fruit: a change of her leaders.


I am almost thrilled with a feeling akin to awe at the triumph of the resilient human spirit. It is unimaginable what we can achieve when we set our actions from a dogged determination. The past 18 days of peaceful protests by Egyptians are a true testament of this truth.

Only yesterday, a defiant Egyptian government practically vowed to continue its stay in power; another testament to the truth that it’s darkest just before dawn. Courage in the face of adversity will always be rewarded.We have been reminded to possess our own convictions and to air it with clarity.

I think this is one of those moments that will be etched into history. I am glad I witnessed it.

Congrats to the Egyptian people and bravo to the doggedness of the human will. Evil only thrives when good people stay silent.

IF IT HURTS...

Yesterday, I was reminded of the benefits of speaking one’s mind. Some kind of workplace transfer has been hanging over my head in the last three months. My sly self at his best has been able to wade it off consistently without stating my position to all concerned. So when it came up again and with a tone of definitiveness yesterday, I had to act up, confronted the parties involved and spoke out my aversion to being moved.


As I saw the response to my action, I wished I had been braver these past months. I have earned quite a rep with a few as being blunt lately. Or actually, I have become more forth-coming with expressing my stand on issues lately; so much that those who have interacted with me after a while of doing same have considered me combative!

I would not describe my childhood as a repressed one but I cultivated the habit of making excuses for others early. This rewarded me with living at peace with many. While life may not entirely be called a struggle, the fittest does survive. Opportunities have to be identified and taken with full grasp. Same can be said of expressing one’s discomfort. Silence will always be considered an agreement as long as disagreement is not expressed.

I am armed to see to the end of the issue at hand, but apparently, it would have been with fewer scars if I had spoken my mind earlier. How true the words “what you allow, continues”.

So if it hurts, blurt it out! You do not stand to loose anything (it hurts already after all).

GLOBAL FILTER
I have followed with keen interest the un-led public demonstrations against the government, first in Tunisia and now in Egypt. We are reminded of what becomes of an individual or society that is pushed to breaking point. Sadly, I do not see same happening to the country of my birth soon. We have always found ways to survive under a string of terrible leadership. Until we are pushed to the point where we are out of options, then shall we pick the placards, sing our songs and march the streets.

ANXIETY OF INFLUENCE

I have chosen a title and illustration used by Joel Stein of Time (c)magazine in one of his columns last year. His, readily came to mind as I reflected on my recent trip. I had travelled with my wife to attend a Christian child dedication ceremony for a friend’s newly born. It provided me the chance to personally rejoice with an old friend who had just become a parent for the first time; identifying with his high moment.


As is customary, it was also an opportunity to see who the “bundle of joy” looks like. The pictures from the e-mail showed a baby with phenotypical proximity to his mother. However, on the phone, it was said that everyone says the baby has the looks of the father. I had joked to my friend that I could bet the only semblance the baby would have with him was his gender!

I decided very early (o yeah!) in my marriage that my wife and I will not be one of those couples who engage in “other couples’ gossip “; spending their own quality time together talking about what other couples do that they do. However, I have not been able to stay away from those bragging conversations about whose dominant gene will be transmitted to our progeny. The pride of my envisaged dominance has been over bearing save for only two physical concessions: that the generation after us would neither take my height nor my hair line.

A similar couple war based on who has got greater genes is what Joel Stein narrates in the article of reference. It’s amazing to think that one’s superiority is drawn from how much an offspring inherits from one’s gene pool. Probably this is from the part of our species that wants to live on for ever. What a view on life.

Postscript.
You can read the Joel Stein's article on the following link:  http://www.time.com/time/magazine/article/0,9171,1973298,00.html

FINDING INSPIRATION IN THE NEW YEAR

Today is the 12th day of the New Year and of course a week after the traditional 12th night when all the decorations are removed. I have been so busy at work that the days of this New Year have run rather fast. This is despite the fact that this season of the year comes with longer days. Need less; I would rather have these days dragged along. Life just seems too fast these days.


The past 12 days and a couple before them have been filled with thoughts bordering on finding inspiration for the year. As it is, my life is more expanded than it has ever been and some things are better experienced. I have never been at a loss in finding direction for my life, this time though, I have found myself hesitant about leaving certain comfort zones. I know that whatever the final drift I take, I am going to be pursuing a life of happiness and desires-attained.

I learnt a long time ago not to enslave myself to my goals at the expense of enjoying the gift that life is. This will play out in my life again this year; enjoying the hunt as much as the kill. It’s going to be an exciting year no doubt. I am simply pensive with the details of the deliberateness of life. Yes, for after all, life is what one makes of it.

To all of my readers
Happy New Year! An old friend got in touch with me during my holidays last year. While we did catch-up, he mentioned that he was an avid follower of my blog (HEYMEYVILLE). To this I replied that he ought to have made comments on the posts that caught his particular fancy. As it is traditional to have resolutions at the beginning of a New Year, I hope one of yours would be to write comments “ON” Heymeyville. This feedback is essentially a part of what makes a blog. I would be looking forward to reading from you this year and who knows, we can make a community of it.